Treat me, others and yourself with respect and good manners and we will get on.
We might not agree all the time, have opposing opinions which might sometimes mean tension but ultimately, as long as you treat people respectfully we will be able to work effectively together. I suspect that’s the same for most people.
Now obviously people are all different in the way they express themselves, with traits and flaws; I may myself have the odd one... Sometimes the way I use humour to diffuse or break the ice may not work for everyone. I need to be aware of that. I learnt an important lesson early on about how your intention can be misunderstood. At a training event I was mortified, to learn that my enthusiastic questioning had initially been read as negative, disruptive behaviour. This was the complete opposite of reality as I was completely engaged! That moment has stuck with me as a reminder that our individual responses to the same content can be different and not always received in the way they were intended. What can be funny to one person can be demeaning to another. We need to remember this and not be so quick to judge based on our own expected reactions.
Now with that said I think there is still a line that separates an unexpected, unnecessary expression of emotion and the completely unacceptable. For example, being frustrated at a situation NEVER gives someone permission to be abusive in any form. And I think the majority of us take that as a given. The public reaction that we see to some of the terrible prejudice and injustice that is still all too prevalent in the world demonstrates that there is a general consensus on what is right and plain unacceptable.
What I want to talk about is the type of behaviour that seems to be tolerated even though it’s not really acceptable for most people. There are individuals I have worked with across the years who I am told ‘just have their way’; often people in key roles who have become critical and ‘irreplaceable’. These people may well have had their poor behaviours raised with them but without much real positive change seen by those impacted.
It's the person who thinks it’s ok to publicly embarrass people. It’s the undertone of superiority or subtle misogyny. It’s the simple bad manners and disrespect. It’s that moment in a meeting when you all wince at the way someone is being called out. It's the use of specific words or tone to intimidate to make a point.
Examples I’ve witnessed include:
- People being told to ‘go away, I don’t have time for your inane questions’
- Colleagues taking bets before a meeting on who’s turn it is for the verbal beating
- Not replying to emails from anyone not considered important enough
- Not bothering to attend meetings, sometimes not even responding to invites
- Being so much busier than everyone else that you have an excuse (for anything)
- Those people who lay down the law but are above it, leading by mis-example
I suspect you, my reader, can also call out examples.
So why do we condone poor behaviour of some in the office? Why do we say ‘I know it’s unacceptable and I’ve spoken to them and I’m monitoring it’ but there is no apparent change to their behaviour to colleagues? Are we hostage to these behaviours for the greater good? Is that ok? Where is the line?
As I noted initially, we will all have our moments and we should be forgiven (on the whole) these moments. And, of course, we should check out the potential drivers for this behaviour, there may well be an underlying cause which requires real attention and support. When, however, the behaviour is consistent, repeated, sustained over a period of time and a ‘reputation’ in place I think we’ve probably gone over the line. Sometimes I think that these are just plain bad behaviours. And we let them happen. And we say it’s not ok but still let them happen. And to others, seeing these bad behaviours apparently condoned, this is not good for morale or a healthy culture.
And what might be indicators that we are ‘allowing’ bad behaviours?
- ‘I know he never turns up to meetings but what would we do without him’
- ‘it’s just her way, she doesn’t mean it’
- ‘look, they are really busy, I’m sure they will sort it when they get time’
- ‘I know that’s the process we agreed but this is different’
- ‘They shouldn’t have done it (again) but these are exceptional times’
- ‘Just ignore it, you focus on what you have to do’
So how do we ‘fix’ this? There are some really great models and techniques for managing feedback to people and addressing these behaviours in an appropriate way. The dilemma is how do we practically, consistently and fairly ensure that people are all treated in the same way? How do we make sure we forgive the ‘moments’ but stand firm on sustained disrespectful behaviour. How do we keep our key people engaged and delivering without compromising the whole integrity of the organisation’s culture?
- We have to make it ok to call it out.
- When we hear about, and witness, bad behaviour we have to take action.
- We also need to look to ourselves and make sure we are leading by example.
If people don’t want to align with the organisation's way of working and corrupt evolving values, we should be asking if they really are an irreplaceable asset.
We shouldn’t be giving power to the bullies.
Footnote: When I first wrote this article, it was just before the Priti Patel bullying review was shared with the public. A strange coincidence but what an example.
My thoughts on PMO in 2025
When people hear the word governance in project management, it often brings to mind rigid processes and endless forms. For many organisations, governance is seen as something that satisfies audit requirements but gets in the way of delivery. But does governance really have to be that way? Absolutely not . When done right, governance becomes a crucial part of successful delivery. And both PMOs and project managers share responsibility in ensuring it works effectively without becoming a burden.
Have you ever been part of a Go/No Go decision for an important implementation where the decision is Go, but there are many fingers crossed behind the scenes? Have you experienced a last-minute realisation that the helpdesk wasn’t informed? Or found that while everything was technically perfect, the operational unit affected was off on a training course? I’m sure there are lots more examples of ‘when launch goes bad’. It’s so easy to happen and devastating for those who have worked so hard to get their part done. In my experience there is rarely malicious or deliberate intent. There is just so much going on that it’s easy not to have covered all the angles. Let’s face it, comprehensive implementations are still not an everyday occurrence for many organisations. Even if you go on holiday 3 or 4 times a year, you still go through your checklist to make sure you don’t turn up to the airport without your passport…
It goes like this; Me: Shall we have a real Christmas tree this year? Pegs: I’d like to have the usual one Me: It would be great to go and choose a real one though at a Christmas tree farm, an experience it together as a family, Pegs: I’d prefer to have our usual one Me: ...but why? Pegs: ...because it’s our tradition, I love it, I love that we use the same tree every year, it makes me feel good and brings back Christmas memories. And it’s also good for the environment. I can never really say much after that. She always wins this one. Our Christmas tree is older than Pegs. Only just, but it is and overall, it’s in pretty good condition. Each year more decorations are added to it and one of those is extra special as it marks the year. It’s Peg’s decoration. She has 15 now and every single one is different.
People who know me today might challenge the level of my maturity taking into account my unique sense of humour. Others may look at model aged me and describe me as a woman of maturing years (but not to my face please). When doing my usual intense 2 minute googling to research the word 'mature', one of the linked results asked 'Why is being mature important?' That piqued my curiosity so I took a quick look. Apparently 'maturity improves the ability to make good decisions', try telling that to my mature gut after some poor food decisions last week. The article also says 'with wise choices comes more stability...'; and again my mature brain conjures up an image of Spider-man with his dying Uncle. 'As you mature (or 'settle down' as the article says) life becomes that much more stable, and consequently, easier to handle'. I guess that internal influences cannot touch you if you are armed with your maturity shield...Now, where's my face mask?
Commenting on a LinkedIn post yesterday, I confessed to finding the use of 'disruption' in change as quite irritating. I feel a bit guilty about this because I do understand the sentiment behind using it. The challenge to people and organisations to shake themselves up, look at different ways of achieving great success, and changing the status quo. This can lead to a whole new way of positive and productive thinking . All good right, by why use this particular word? Oxford Dictionary; disruption disturbance or problems which interrupt an event, activity or process. Negative vibes coming across to you? Wait until you see the synonym selection. This quick google check is what led me to write down these thoughts and also to read a bit more about the business interpretation kicked off by Christensen's late 1990s book 'The Innovator's Dilemma' Interruption disorder disturbance confusion disarray turmoil quarrel impairment incapacitation demolition destruction deception obstruction Inspiring huh. And yet I keep going back to my school days when we talked about how major events in the world to which you could assign such words are often the catalyst for great change and creativity. Penicillin is the one that always comes to mind; discovered in the late 20's, it took World War II to really catapult production and make the difference. I'm thinking future generations of students will learn about how the distruption of the Great Lockdown in 2020 accelerated and produced creativity to the benefit of many.
I want to continue supporting multiple organisations and making a PMO difference. The best result for me is that I leave behind a great legacy and build on my experience and toolkit along the way. As part of the redesign exercise I then, of course, needed to get some merchandise to accompany the launch of website and also to get the business name out and about. Another great adventure I can tell you, resulting in some rather sleek pens and, the jewel in the crown, a multi charger cable fully branded up. Covid-19 has been rather distracting on many levels and so momentum on completing the website has slowed some what. Luckily with the support of @Sophiepottervaservices we've now got there, and I've also added another covid-influenced gadget to my merch stock (yay). Anyway this blog was actually to tell you about the best thing I have done since thinking about my branding. I’ve been able to support my local community, which is so important to me, through sponsorship of the Weedon Bec Under-10s football team! It’s very cool to see my logo on the team strip but will be even more exciting when the guys get back out on the pitch to play again. Go Weedon U-10s. You rock!
So, alongside my day job as a PMO Consultant, I also have a rather large menagerie of pets (and a very understanding husband). This includes 12 chickens, all ladies. They are a mixture of breeds and are ace. Our chickens include a gentle giant Cochin called Tiny, three Silkies which are just complete bundles of fluff, a beautiful Laced Wyandotte called Bob, a rather wonderfully named Rumpless Araucana; Sharon, a regular Blue Hen adventurously called Bluebell, a tiny but sparky bird called Duchess, and some beautiful plump Pekin Bantams. The leader is one of the Pekin girls called Greg, she is at the top of the pecking order (yes that’s where it’s from!) and is last to go bed once she is sure everyone else is tucked in. Complete characters. Whilst they do love exploring and checking out new things, and who knew what excitement checking out the newly exposed bit of ground could bring, they are very much creatures of habit. They all wake up at the same time, they take themselves to bed at the same time and often in the same order. As soon as they get up they all head to the food dispenser and then they all take a drink together. If we want to introduce a new chicken into the family, we have to go with a minimum of two. The flock does not like strangers and they can be quite aggressive to newcomers. If there are at least two new birds, they have each other as company and will often stay together as close friends going forwards. The new chickens will often bed down away from the other chickens for at least the first night. We have to find the new chickens and put them into the coop at night for a few days until they get used to the routine and take themselves. There’s always a settling in period. Last weekend there were big changes in the chicken paddock. The coop was just too small for the flock and it was time to expand. There wasn’t much room to spread out at night and there was only enough nesting space for one chicken at a time for laying eggs which sometimes caused friction. After some good research and hunting, we chose the perfect new coop with two nesting boxes, loads more space and, most excitingly, perches which the birds didn’t have in their current coop set up. The coop was set up in the garden, in a new position that increased their play area, on a large stand which provided them additional covered area underneath for when the weather is bad (chickens don’t like rain). The old coop was removed for cleaning and moving on. Another shelter was removed also, it was all looking rather marvellous. We were so excited for the chickens. When the light was gone in the evening, we went out to make sure the chickens had all found their way to their new manor. We weren’t daft, we were expecting some resistance. We did expect there to be a few of the birds to be huddled up in a corner somewhere. We checked out the new coop and were very pleased to see that three of the chickens had made their way to their new home, two of them were even using the perches. But the others... Torches out and chicken hunt underway. There remained two plastic shelters in the area, one of them is no bigger than a small cat box and has very occasionally been used as a quiet place to lay eggs. It’s been in the garden for some time. I had a quick look, just in case. The box was crammed with chickens…. There really would have been more space left in a tin of sardines. I finally pulled 8, yes 8, chickens out of the box including Tiny the giant chicken. They were not happy about being taken out of this tiny cramped space. The birds had chosen to squeeze themselves into a completely inappropriate box that was familiar to them rather than check out the new chicken palace. All of the birds were put manually into the new coop one by one, and a few of them were put in several times as they kept jumping back out into the garden and return to, well, anywhere else that they recognised. They were finally shut in overnight and all piled out, happily enough the following morning. They all went to have breakfast together, just as usual. Last night a few more made it to the new coop and, having lost access to the tiny box, the others had all made themselves comfortable next to the rabbit hutch which has also been there for some time, even if they had to be outside. They will settle into their new home, slowly but surely. They will become as attached to this coop as they were their old one and will all go to bed at the same time, to the same place and probably, in the same order. I am now looking forward to the excitement of finding an egg in the new, more private and comfy nesting area. Then and only then, will I know that they have accepted their new home, in their own good time. Fingers crossed it won’t take too long!
It's been a funny old week, as we try to normalise the out of the ordinary. During my week, I have written an article for CITI, a project management consultancy, who I am proud to be associated with. The article looked at how many change teams may have downtime over the current period and how they could turn it on it's head to evolve their project capability. If you fancy reading the article you can find it here .